If there was a Hallmark card for my return to blogging, it would be in the condolences section.
To those of you who know me and read my previous material, there’s no way for either of us to get that time back so let’s let bygones be bygones. To those of you who are new, welcome to the unofficial tenth circle of hell. Kidding (kind of). Whether you’re new or not, it seems I owe everyone an apology, either for past or pending offenses that may take place.
Now that formalities have been taken care of, let me introduce myself. My name is Kelsey, and I’m an- wait too soon, more on that later. Don’t want to scare you away just yet.
The phrase I’ve heard most in my life is “oh my god will you shut up”. Close second would have to be “wow you’re the funniest person I know”. If only, it’s usually “you have something on your shirt”.
“Dang, you have a story for everything” someone once told me. He was right, I am always sharing (sometimes oversharing) strange and whacked out tales from my twenty-three years in this bizzare little universe. It’s hard not to share the one time you ate sushi behind Conan O’Brien in LA and took numerous selfies with his iconic fiery coif that more closely resembled the hair of a troll-doll in every picture rather than perfectly branded hair. But I won’t get ahead of myself just yet.
Point being, I love sharing stories with everyone and anyone who would listen (or sometimes not listen, in which case I hold them conversation hostage anyway until I could reveal the most exciting part of my anecdote).
My life is also full of, stuff. Not just physical things- because in all honesty things seem to consume my life pretty heavily- but also random occurrences, oddities, abnormalities, and obscurities. In almost every sphere of my life, I’m surrounded by stuff- opinions, people, products, urges, thoughts, questions. It’s all there in a disorganized heap either in my mind or on that one chair everyone seems to have dedicated to random clothes or boxes or other things. It’s pure chaos let me tell you.
And that’s how I got here.
What do you get when you mix a neurotic, self-loathing writer who has an internal impulse to make people laugh and the internet?
A blog featuring what I like to call a mix of overly-dramatic, sometimes depraved, borderline obnoxious, yet always charming melancholy with a comedic zest. Melancomedy, if you will.
My hope is that through this romp of a blog dedicated to the trials, triumphs, tribulations, and trivialities (alliteration is my favorite writing device, as you’ll come to find out) you will be able to delve into my particularly unique world through my stories and world-views and maybe get a chuckle or two in along the way. If not, well, see the first paragraph.
Welcome to Kelsey Says Stuff, it’s all downhill from here and it’s going to be a bumpy road (yes I just combined two different but very fitting clichés and I’m not the least bit sorry about it).